Disregarded Consequence Outtakes
by SweetLovinCullen
Summary: A collection of outtakes from Disregarded Consequence. Rated M for language and lemons
1. EPOV Post Ultimatum

**Here's the EPOV outtake I wrote for Fandoms 4 Preemies.**

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**Summary: **First Disregarded Consequence Outtake. How did Edward spend his time after Bella's ultimatum?

~~000~~

"And Edward, I _know _I can't do this anymore. The ball's in your court. It's your decision, Edward."

I sighed and tugged at my hair. Fuck, I'd just told her as much as I could and it seemed like it wasn't enough and for some reason a small part of me wanted to tell her more. "I know."

"I need to get back to work; you know where to find me."

I nodded and watched as she walked away. I watched until I couldn't see her anymore and she'd blended into the crowd on the sidewalk. I screwed my eyes shut and couldn't believe where I was. When I'd gone to see her I'd been fucking pissed. More pissed than I ever had with her but now? Fuck, now I didn't know what I felt towards her but I knew one thing. I knew she was right. She scared me and I just needed to be the hell alone while I worked this shit through.

I stood and made my way to the one place I knew I could be alone at. The one place even my parents knew nothing about. And the one place Bella wouldn't come to now. I was sure of it.

~~000~~

I headed to my studio apartment in Brooklyn and grabbed everything I needed, stuffing it into a duffel bag. My cell was buzzing in my pocket but I refused to answer it. I couldn't deal with this shit right now. I knew it would be Rose or Emmett and I didn't want to go there.

I grabbed the bag and headed to my grandfather's house. As I walked to the subway I checked my cell, five calls from Rose and five from Emmett. They hadn't gone to my parents yet but I knew it wouldn't be long before they did.

~~000~~

As I walked into the house that I had lived in with my grandfather I knew I shouldn't walk out on Rose and Emmett like this but right now I wasn't in the right space to be near anyone. I threw my bag on the floor and headed to the kitchen. I needed a drink and passing the place I'd found my grandfather losing his life didn't help ease that. As I went for a glass I stopped and grabbed the bottle instead. I'd be needing it. My eyes rested on the rug that he'd died on and I fought my memories but I lost. I took a swig of the bottle and closed my eyes. Seeing it all in my mind clear as day.

"_Grandpa, guess what."_

_I stopped as I walked in, something was wrong, the smell of dinner wasn't greeting me and that's what I always smelt first when I came home from school._

"_Edward?"_

_I dropped my bag by the door and flat out ran into the living room to find my grandfather on the floor. "Edward, son. Come here."_

_I did as he asked and knelt beside him; he took my hand in his and lifted his other hand to my cheek. "Son, I'm sorry."_

_I couldn't say anything. I just looked at him, watching him. "Edward, I'm so sorry it took me, so... so... long. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to live through all that and I wish I wasn't leaving you."_

"_Grandpa, what do you mean? You can't leave me. Please don't."_

_It was then I started to cry, to all out sob. "I don't want to but it's time. I'm dying, Edward."_

_I shook my head. No. No. NO! His hand left my face and he pulled his ring free of the middle finger on his right hand. "I want you... want you... to have it."_

_He closed my fingers over my hand and then he was gone._

Fuck, I shook my head as I came out my memory. I never thought about that day, well I hadn't until Bella. Fuck. Bella. She had a way of getting under my skin like no else ever had. She made me think and want things I had never wanted and I hated it. I thought I hated her for making me feel these things and that was the reason I treated her how I did. But I didn't hate her. Far from it.

I covered it all up by pretending I hated her and fucking hell she pissed me off but I found myself wanting to know her more. Wanting to be with her like I'd never wanted someone before. Women had always been play things to me and at first she'd been just that. I was intrigued by her and wanted her. Except instead of just wanting her I couldn't stop thinking about her. That's why I'd done what I'd done at the club. I wanted to fuck her and move on but it didn't work like that. Once I'd had her I wanted more. I _never _wanted more. I fucked and moved on. It was the way I'd always been but her. She just got to me and she was right. It fucking scared me so I reacted the only way I could think of. By getting angry and disassociating myself from her in every way possible but had it helped? No.

And then when she said no to me I was so angry. I didn't do people saying no to me. No one ever had, well no one expect Rose. Now Bella had managed to flip my anger over and turn it into what it truly was. A hatred of what she made me feel.

When she'd said what she'd said today I had wanted to tell her yes but I couldn't. Fuck. I refused to. I needed to get over this. Over her.

I took another swig of the bottle and screwed my eyes shut. Fuck this shit. I needed to get this out. I needed to draw.

~~000~~

Curled over my pad, everything I needed in front of me I drew like my life depended on it. Like it always did when I drew, the pen became an extension of me. I drew everything I felt in my heart, everything I couldn't say out loud. All the stuff that was screaming for an outlet that I refused to air.

My cell ringing for the hundredth time broke the spell and when I saw who it was I wanted to answer but I couldn't. I couldn't have her hearing me like this. She was my mother and it would kill her to have to hear me in this state. She may not be my biological mother but she loved me and I couldn't hurt her.

The ringing cut off and I looked down at what I'd drawn. Fuck. That was so not what I'd been planning. On the paper in front of me was Bella's face. She was staring back at me and smiling. Like she was in love.

I needed to get over this. I needed to.

~~000~~

I had no clue how much time had passed since I'd first come here but looking at all the drawings I'd done, I knew one thing. I wasn't forgetting, Bella. Every drawing I'd done revolved around her in one way or another. Some were portraits, others were in colours that reminded me of her but it told me one thing. I wanted her. I wanted to try but I couldn't let myself. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I just couldn't, letting someone in was a big fucking deal to me but as hard as it was for to admit it my drawings said it all.

My cell rang yet again and it was a blocked number. I ignored it but whoever was on the end of the phone was persistent. My voicemail box was obviously full so it kept ringing and they weren't giving up. "For fuck's sake."

I answered and practically growled down the cell. "Who the fuck is this?"

They let out a breath and I waited for them to say something but the call disconnected and they were gone. For someone who was being so persistent you'd think they'd do more than that.

_Bella._

Could it be her? Checking to see if I was okay? No. She'd made her position clear. She'd left the decision with me and as much as I wanted to walk away I was beginning to realise I couldn't. The whole time I'd been here she'd been with me. In my drawing, in my dreams, in my thoughts. It was clear that as much as I hated to admit it I wanted her and I wanted to try.

_Fuck._

I couldn't go there. I grabbed yet another bottle and hoped getting drunk would help. It hadn't so far but it could always start to work.

~~000~~

I glanced at my cell. _Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I am trying to reach you, we're worried sick and if you don't pick up I'm only going to assume the worst. NOW ANSWER!_

Just as I finished reading the text my cell rang shrill and demanding, I half expected my mom to storm out of it and go apeshit at me. I knew I needed to answer and I steeled myself as I did. I didn't even get a chance to say hello when she started talking.

"Edward, where the hell are you? We're all worried and I don't care what's going on but you don't up and leave without telling us where you're going or when you're coming back. Rose and Emmett have been worried sick about you."

"Mom I ca-"

"Don't you dare! Edward, you need to realise that you have people who love you. We worry about you and we want you home. Safe."

"I'm fine, Mom."

"Then why have you disappeared for almost two weeks, huh?"

"It's complicated."

"Edward, I know getting you to open up isn't easy but you need to stop running. You need to stand up to your past and look to your future. What do you see in your life in ten years?"

_Bella._

I gaped, but that really was all I could see. Bella. I wanted Bella in my life in ten years. I wanted her. God, I did and fighting it would be pointless.

"I see me being happy."

"That's all we want, Edward. You of all people deserve happiness but hiding away when something get's hard isn't the way to get it. I love you, Edward. With all my heart so please come back and sort this out, the people who love you want to help."

"What if I can't tell you what's wrong?"

Mom sighed. "Then you can't but know this, we'll always be here for you. Whenever you're ready."

And that was it. I never was going to be ready but I could take steps to make my life better and happier. It took my two weeks to realise what my sub conscious had known all along. Bella was the key to me being happy. I had to try. I needed to or I was going to self destruct.

"Thank you, Mom."

"You're welcome. Now will you please come home?"

"I will but there's something I need to do first."

"Thank God. Call me, okay?"

"I will."

As soon as the call ended I closed my eyes and I saw it all. I saw my life with Bella play out and I wanted it. No. I needed it. I picked up my cell and called her before I could talk myself out of it. I had no clue how I'd do this but I had to try, I had to.

I paced as I waited for an answer. "Hello."

I closed my eyes in relief. "Bella. It's Edward."

It took a while for her to respond and when she did her voice was laced with shock. "Edward?"

"Yes, are you free today?"

There was another paused and then she answered. "Yes."

I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips. She would hear me out. "Could you come to the house?"

The pause that followed seemed to last forever and when she finally spoke I prayed it would be what I wanted to hear. "Edward, I don't think I can. Can you come to my apartment? Alice and Jasper have gone away for the weekend so I have the place to myself."

God, I didn't know if I could go there. I wanted this on my ground, somewhere I knew we wouldn't be interrupted. "I... Bella... I don't know."

She sighed. "Edward, I need to be somewhere neither of us has been alone together. It's the deal breaker."

Fuck. I guessed I couldn't argue with that. "Okay, what's your address?"

I scrawled the address on a fresh set in my drawing pad and ended the call. I had no idea how this would work or if it would but I needed to try. I had to.

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**I hope you enjoyed this insight into Edward's mind. I've written a second outtake and donated it to Fandoms 4 Autism, I'll be posting that on June 30th, if you want to donate to read the outtake before it's posted you can find out how to do so here: http:/ fandoms4autism (dot) blogspot (dot) com /p/how-to-donate (dot) html**

**Thank you as always to Shiny and Lucy for pre-reading and betaing. **


	2. EPOV The Club

**Here's the second outtake written for Fandoms for Autism.**

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I didn't want to be here but I was and I would make the most of it. I would fuck the first woman I saw and completely forget about _her._ She pissed me off and turned me on at the same time but I wouldn't go there. I wouldn't.

Em tapped me on the shoulder. "Drink?"

I nodded and looked around the club, too many people were wearing far too little and then I saw her, not far from the bar, hair swept to the side to show off the tatt. I glared at it, that session had opened up something I didn't want to feel or think about.

As I watched her dance I thought back over the last few weeks, that session, her confronting me and then that fucking Facebook rant. When I saw that I could only see red and I wanted to be angry with her and fuck her at the same time.

No one had ever got my back up like she had. Never. She knew how to get under my skin without even trying. As I watched her dance with a guy jealousy filled me and I knew what I needed to do. This would get me over her and I'd move the fuck on and forget about her.

I left Em at the bar and walked over to her, sliding easily between the sweaty, too drunk bodies. I slid up against her and noticed the girl she was with, the same one who had come in the day she had, and talked Emmett's ear off. Why couldn't she have been the one whose tattoo I did? My eye slid to the tattoo and a self satisfied smirk pulled at my lips. Damn, I was good.

Bella tried to turn to face me and as much as I wanted to let her fall flat on her face I helped her turn. My grandfather would be proud. I shook my head at the thought. As I caught Bella my hands rested on the small of her back and before I could stop it my hand moved up her back and traced her tattoo. She shivered as I touched her and that feeling of satisfaction that I'd felt while doing her tattoo came over me again. No. I wasn't going to think that.

I traced her tattoo again and leant down to her ear. "Looks good."

I turned Bella harshly so she fell against me and fuck she felt good. I shook my head again; I had to stop thinking about her like that.

Bella looked up at me all doe eyed and innocent looking, inviting me. Once again my body refused to follow instructions and I leant down to kiss her. Bella gasped and I pulled her against me, letting her know how the fuck she made me feel. Hopefully once this was done I would be over her. I bit her earlobe and whispered in her ear. "I want to fuck you."

I pulled back while still keeping her against me. "NOW."

Bella moved closer to me, her eyes wide. "Here?"

I didn't respond, I just grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind me. I'd done this enough times here to know where to go. I led her to the barely used office as my eyes locked with my destination I felt my ring move. No. No one touched that. I turned my head to face Bella. "Don't."

She froze completely, her eyes widening again but I didn't relinquish my gaze until she let go of my ring. As I reached the office I pulled Bella in and locked the door. As I turned and made my way to Bella I smiled as she walked toward me, by the time she'd taken on small step I was by her. I made her progress pointless as I pushed her against the desk. I held her in place with my hands before kissing her roughly, my lip ring bumping her teeth, she moaned into my mouth. I traced the column of her throat before kissing it. I shouldn't be doing this like I was but I couldn't stop myself from doing it.

As I bit the skin behind her ear Bella grasped the hair at the nape of my neck as her neck tilted giving me better access. I cursed her dress being so tight and I wanted to rip it the fuck off but I couldn't so I palmed her breast from the top of her dress. She was wearing no bra and I groaned.

"Fuck."

Bella's voice spurred me on and I turned her round, pushing her onto the desk. I fisted her hair, turning her to face me. Something I never did, forcing her to watch me push her dress up over her hips and rip her tights off. As I looked down at her, I saw everything she could give me but I didn't want that shit. I wanted to fuck her and forget about her. I ripped her underwear from her body and as I did those same feelings assaulted me.

"_Snap the fuck out of it."_

I shook my head and brought myself back to the here and now, getting rid of the barriers between my hard on and her, nudging her legs open with my knee, not even bothered to check if she was ready before unfisting her hair and lifting her ass free of the table before thrusting into her in one smooth stroke. I felt her resist me but she soon got used to it, the force of me in her pushed her higher up the table. I licked the shell of her ear as I moved and Bella gripped the side of the desk in front of her. As I grazed her clit she came causing me to move faster. I bit down on her shoulder as I came; sure I was leaving a mark.

As I thought about marking her those feelings of being with her forever bombarded me again and I pulled myself free quickly, causing Bella to collapse on the desk. I pulled my jeans up, aware of Bella's gaze on me but I ignored her. I had done what I'd come here to do when I saw her. It was done and now I needed to get the fuck over her. Hopefully this would help. It needed to.

I shut the door behind me leaving her there and my phone vibrated in my pocket. I lifted it out, Emmett. I went into a different office and answered it. "Where the fuck did you disappeared to?"

"Doing someone of no consequence."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. You'll get yourself in shit one of these days."

"That's my problem not yours. Where are you?"

"I'm at the bar; I figured it was the best place to wait."

"Okay, on my way."

As I walked out the office I saw Bella walking into the crowd. Her whole body was curled in on itself and I felt a stab of remorse for what I'd just done to her. I made sure I watched her as she searched for her friend, when I saw she'd found her I headed over to Emmett at the bar.

"Don't tell me you slept with another one?"

I shook my head. "I fuck them, Em and no."

"Then where were you?"

"It's none of your fucking business."

Emmett held his hands up in defeat, handing me my drink. As I drank I knew it hadn't worked. She was still on my fucking mind.

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**I hope you enjoyed this second look into Edward's mind! I'd love to know what you thought.**

**Thank you, as always, to Lucy and Shiny for their beta'ing and pre-reading skills and thank you to everyone who donated to receive the compilation, we raised a total of £814.45 (roughly $1,280).**


	3. EPOV: Pregnancy Reveal

**Here's the outtake I wrote for Fandom for Twi Fan G. I hope you enjoy this new insight into Edward's mind.**

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I glanced at the clock as there was a knock on my studio door. I wasn't scheduled to tattoo anyone and no-one around here knocked to come in when I wasn't with a client or Bella. "Come in."

After a couple of seconds the door opened and I smiled as I saw Bella. I would never in a million years have thought I could be involved with a woman like I was with her. It had started out as fucking but before I knew it, it had become a lot more. I stood up and walked towards her. I moved my arms to hug her but she stopped me. "Bella?"

I glanced and her and instantly realised she was angry. Angry and upset. "I need you to be honest with me, Edward. Totally honest."

I nodded, not saying anything knowing from my experiences when Rose was angry to keep my mouth firmly shut. "Remember that first night at the club, in the office?"

I nodded again as I remembered back to that first night, the night I'd fucked Bella. I shifted myself trying to not make it obvious what thinking of that night did to me. I was smart enough to know that's the last reaction Bella wanted. "And remember you told me we'd used protection that night?"

I didn't like being questioned and could feel the anger creeping up me. "Yes."

Bella glared at me. "Well, did we? And tell me the truth Edward I have a right to know."

Shit, how did she know?! Fuck! "I... I..."

Christ, I never stumbled over my words. Ever. What was she doing to me?! "Edward, yes or no?"

I knew then I had to tell her, I had to be honest but instead of being honest I put my foot in it, my head talking instead of my heart. "Bella, what does it matter?"

"What does it matter? It matters because you lied to me, Edward. Lied."

I pulled her into my arms. "I'll never lie again."

"It's too late, Edward. The damage is done, it's here and we have to deal with it."

What?! What the fuck does she mean? I stepped back and literally felt my anger bubbling over. "What do you mean 'It's here and we have to deal with it.'?"

"I'm pregnant and the baby is yours."

What the fuck?! She had to be kidding me. There was no way I was going to be a father. No fucking way. No way I could do it, no way. No way. "Is this some kind of joke?"

I watched her as she shook her head. "Far from it."

I couldn't. No. I wouldn't be a father. Fuck, I wasn't ready for this shit. I wasn't a father; I could never be a father to someone. I was fucked beyond repair. "How do I know you're telling me the truth?"

She strode over to the desk and slammed the scan print down on it. "That's how. I'm pregnant and you're the only one who could be the father of my child. Why did you lie to me?"

I glanced at the scan and felt revulsion for it but I had to hide it. "I never lied to you."

"NEVER LIED? I called you here the morning after and asked if we'd used protection and you said yes. You fucking lied."

I glared at Bella. "No I didn't. I thought we did."

"Still, you should have told me!"

The more she shouted at me the angrier I got. I needed to get her the fuck out of here. I need to get rid of the whole fucking situation. "You're getting rid of it, right?"

Bella looked at me like I'd just told her I was an alien. "No, why should I?"

I glared, feeling myself harden and close off. She wasn't going to do this. "Get the fuck rid of it."

"You can't tell me what to do. It's my body and my baby as much as it is yours."

I stepped up to her and made myself look as big as possible, hoping I could make her see sense. Make her realise I wanted nothing to do with that thing. "That thing is not mine."

Bella gasped. "How can you be so cruel?"

"Easy. Now, get the fuck out and never come back. As far as I'm concerned, you and that thing do not exist. Got that?"

She was frozen to the spot and just staring at me. "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!"

I turned and noticed the scan on the desk, anger surged through me as I looked at it and I snapped it off the surface intending to rip it in half but as I did Bella snatched it from my grasp. "Don't you dare."

Next thing I knew Bella had punched me and stormed out, banging my studio door behind her. I glared at the door, letting my anger grow. I could not do that, I wouldn't do it. I couldn't be a father. The door opened and I glanced up and as I did I realised who I was hoping it would be. I wanted it to be Bella.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Bella."

"I know that. Did you fuck it up?"

Yes but I couldn't say that out loud. It hurt too much to admit it.

"No. I didn't."

"Whatever Edward, you're next client's here.

"Send them in."

As Rose shut the door I shook my head, I couldn't be what she needed. I didn't want to be a father. It wouldn't work.

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**Thank you to everyone who donated to receive this compilation when the fandom was rocked by the death of G at ComicCon. Thank you, as always, to Lucy and Shiny for their beta'ing and pre-reading skills.**


	4. EPOV: First Meeting

**Here's the EPOV outtake I wrote for Stories for Animals. Enjoy!**

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I was sat in my studio sketching random shit when my phone buzzed beside me. _**Can you come to the apartment? – B**_

_**Yea, I can. All okay? – E x**_

_**I'll explain when you get here but it's nothing bad. I promise – B**_

I quickly text her back saying I was on my way, thankful I didn't have any clients this morning. As I walked out Rose was sat in her usual place looking bored. I rolled my eyes as she flicked a page in the magazine. When she saw me heading out she smiled. "Grab me a latte?"

I shook my head. "I'm not going to Starbucks. I'm going to see Bella."

"Oh. Her again?"

I shook my head. "Rose, Bella's the mother of the child that I'm trying so hard to be around for, and I'm hoping one day Bella and I will be together so get your shit together, yea?"

She shrugged. "I don't like her."

"No, you don't trust her, that's the difference, but if you got to know her you would."

"It's not just that."

"What else is it?"

"Don't push me, Edward. You know I don't like it."

I held my hands up, I didn't have time for this right now. "I need to go, I'm not pushing you, I, of all people, understand you but it's going too far."

I didn't wait for her reply as I pushed the door open.

~~000~~

As I made my way to Bella's I couldn't help but wonder what she wanted. I didn't want to think it was anything bad and I knew I'd done nothing that would antagonise our situation but I was still scared. Never before had someone been able to scare me like Bella. First with the feelings I had for her and now because of the fact she held everything I now wanted to live for in the palm of her hands, ready to take it away if I stepped one foot out of line. Which is why I was trying my damnedest to change, I wanted her and Livvy in my life.

I reached her block and buzzed. A couple seconds passed, something that never happened and I instantly worried. Finally, after what felt like forever, she answered. "Hi, Bella. It's me."

"Hey, sorry I took so long. Livvy woke up as you buzzed and I had to get her, come up, I'll open the door so just come in."

As the door buzzed I pushed it open and headed in, the old lady who had let me in when I'd received those papers from Bella smiled at me. I shuddered as I thought back to the parental dissolution papers Bella had served me. I had never wanted that, deep down. Never.

Despite Bella telling me to just walk in I knocked before I did out of habit from what my grandfather had taught me. "Hey Bella."

Before I could say anything else I froze as I took in Livvy, sat on the floor beside Bella and her walker. The one I'd bought her for Christmas. I'd not seen her since she was a small baby, and the change was remarkable. She was beautiful, with brown bouncy curls for hair, and she had my green eyes but the rest of her face was an amalgamation of Bella and I. She was beautiful, as soon as I saw her I knew I loved her and would never let any harm come to her ever. She would grow up with a life far different from mine. I'd make sure of that. I couldn't take my eyes off her as Bella spoke.

"I spent the weekend with my dad, stepmom and half brother. It was great seeing them with her and it made me want you to be with her. To see her. It's been on my mind a while actually but I needed to be sure so I called Jenny and here we are."

This was not what I'd expected when I'd got that text and I immediately blinked, trying to hide the fact I could feel tears in my eyes. From the expression on Bella's face I knew I'd failed. "So, you gonna stand there or come and meet your daughter?"

I smiled and walked over to them sitting down next to me. Bella moved Livvy toward us, placing her on her lap and pointing at me. I couldn't tear my eyes from her. Nor could I believe I really had a daughter. "You see him, he's your daddy, baby girl and he's here to see you properly for the first time. He's worked hard to be here so don't give him a tough time, okay? That's Dadda, baby."

Livvy eyed me from top to bottom and slowly inched toward me, and when she was close enough she placed her hand on the knee of the ripped jeans I wore. She looked up at me, and seeing those same green eyes looking up at me felt so strange but so right.

Livvy seemed unsure of how to react to me so I did the only thing I could think of to break the ice with a baby. I poked my tongue out at her and then she laughed. It was the most adorable sound I'd ever heard and I wanted to hear it every day for the rest of my life and I would. I would work hard to be in their lives everyday.

Suddenly Livvy clambered up on my lap and tried to reach my face, her arms weren't quite long enough so I leant down and moved my face to her hand. Her small hand was warm and the tip of her finger traced the side of my lip, eventually finding my lip ring and tugging it. I winced, I'd had it for years but it still hurt when it was tugged like that. "No, baby girl. Don't do that."

Livvy's lip quivered and she was about to cry, without thinking about it I hugged her close to my body, smoothing my hand through her hair and calming her down. It just seemed so natural, like I was made to be here and have her in my arms like this. "Hey, baby girl don't cry. I don't want you to cry."

As I rocked Livvy I could sense Bella watching me but I couldn't tear myself from watching Livvy, as I rocked her I spoke into her. "I've waited a long time to meet you and I promise I'll be here for you forever, Livvy."

Slowly Livvy's tears calmed and she started to move around and play with me. I managed to catch her and began to tickle her, falling onto my back and taking her carefully with me, never relenting so I could hear that laugh of hers more. I'd never tire of it.

I loved Livvy unconditionally and that would never, ever change. The one thing I wish I could change is that I got to have this sooner.

~~000~~

Since I'd arrived Livvy had barely left my side, she was entranced by me and, I had to admit, I was by her too. She was currently playing in her soft play gym as Bella and I watched her and talked. "Do you want to give her the bottle she has before bed?"

I turned to Bella, freaking out internally but I shook it off and smiled. "I'd love to but you'll need to show me."

Bella smiled. "I will."

Bella stood, telling me she was going to grab Livvy's night things. As Bella moved around in her room I slid onto the floor beside Livvy who had given up on her play gym, and was staring at a soft book filled with farm animals, slowly trying to turn the pages. I slid into place behind her, placing my arms around her, taking the book back to the beginning and turned onto the first page. "That's a sheep, baby. It goes baa."

She laughed and I worked through the book with her sat with me, eventually she moved onto my lap, fully engrossed in what I was showing her.

Bella appeared in front of us with Livvy's bottle, as soon as she saw it Livvy scrambled for Bella, she sat down and changed her on her soft gym. I sat next to her, and she passed Livvy over and talked me through feeding her. Shortly after the bottle was finished Livvy snuggled against me and started to fall asleep.

Once I thought she was totally gone I looked at Bella. "Shall we put her in her crib?"

She shook her head, "I think you've more than earned a bed time cuddle with her but it'll probably be more comfy on the sofa."

Slowly Bella pried Livvy away from me, somehow managing to keep her sleeping, I settled on the sofa and she laid Livvy back down on me, as soon as she was back on my chest her body moulded to mine, her hand fisting my shirt.

As I watched Livvy I looked to Bella. I had to tell her what this meant to me. "Thank you, Bella."

She smiled and stroked Livvy's cheek. "It was time, it was more than time actually but I was scared. I forced myself to get over it and I honestly think having her around will help you."

I smiled and this time I made no effort to hide the tears in my eyes. "Thank you, Bella. She's just perfect."

"I think so too but we're her parents, we're biased."

"God, it feels great being called that. I can't tell you what hearing you tell her I'm her father made me feel. Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome, Edward."

Livvy stirred and I repositioned her, we sat like that for a little longer until Bella stood up. "We should put her in her crib. Want to help?"

"I'm scared I'll wake her, you'd be better to do it."

Slowly Bella lifted Livvy off me, pausing to make sure she was still asleep and carried her into their room. As I waited I thought back on today and everything it had made me realise. I wanted this. I wanted them both and they meant so very much to me. I would make this work. I looked around the room noting the mess of Livvy's toys and decided to try help. A few minutes later I heard Bella's voice. "You don't have to do that, Edward."

I shrugged. "I wanted to help."

"Thank you."

We sat down on the sofa and Bella turned to me. "Edward, I'm sorry."

I tugged my hair, she wasn't the one that needed to do that. I did. "Bella, you don't need to apologise. I need to, I will never be able to apologise enough."

Bella shook her head. "No, I need to say sorry for waiting so long. I should have let you in her life sooner and I'm sorry I didn't. I shouldn't have kept you away from her first Christmas. She deserved to have you there and I wish I had let you be there for her."

I sighed, she didn't need to do this. "Bella, I appreciate your apology but I get it and you don't have to apologise to me. Me on the other hand..."

I trailed off unable to look at Bella. Today I'd realised how much of a shit I had been to her since I'd been around, the hurt I'd unnecessarily caused. I felt Bella's hand on my face and let her turn it toward her. "No, you've apologised enough, Edward. You've proved you're willing to try and I want you in her life. You've proven to me you can do this."

I sighed and took her hand in mine. "But I haven't convinced you enough to be with me."

Bella closed her eyes; and I didn't want to think about what was on her mind but I knew it was all warranted. I deserved whatever she thought after everything I'd done. "Edward, I don't know how I want you in my life yet so let's start as friends and see where it goes, okay?"

I smiled. "Thank you."

"I have something I want to give you."

Bella stood and picked something up from the side, walking back over and handing it to me. It was a picture of Livvy and I from earlier, when I was showing her the book, we looked so happy together. "I wanted you to have a picture of you both together so I took this earlier and printed it after I put her down."

Without hesitation I hugged her not able to find any other way to put into words how I felt. "Thank you, Bella. Thank you."

~~000~~

I decided to leave a little later and hugged Bella to say thank you for everything, for once she didn't move away but embraced me. As I walked downstairs I realised I couldn't remember the last time I had ever felt this happy.

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**I hope you enjoyed this new insight into Edward's mind! I'd love to hear what you thought :)**


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